It’s important to consult your physician or physical therapist before beginning any new physical activity. Always listen to your body and respect any warnings you hear.
“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.” – Jesse Jackson
If you have helped raise children, you are well aware of the meltdowns that occur the moment your child enters their home after a long day of working their brains, their bodies, following rules and the strict schedule of meals and bathroom that may not fit with their own natural urges or needs. A word, a look, or movement can send them into a swirling tailspin of big emotions of anger, rage, sadness, and pain. They throw themselves to the floor, arms flailing, legs kicking. Please tell me I am not the only one who has witnessed this.
I recall as a new mother being shocked by this and asking my daycare provider, “Can you please tell me what you are doing?” She would usually say that my child was great, no issues all day, behaved well, helped others and followed all the rules. But the minute he either gets into my car or walks into the house he is screaming and crying with tantrums and out of control behavior.
The exact opposite of what I would expect. The last thing I would want after a long day of keeping it all together myself.
With years of experience working with children, she described how home and especially mothers are a child’s safe zone and explained why my children will always behave the worst for me. Great, thanks kids!
I guess they’re worth it.
Over the years and talking with other parents I have understood this more and more to just be the way it goes with many of those young growing bodies and minds.
Well…guess what folks? Adults are the same exact species and behave darn nearly the exact same way. We all live our busy lives that are full of stress, complexity and unpredictability. We often do not have the opportunity to process all that has occurred throughout the day—the good, the bad, and the ugly, until we gather with our loved ones back at home. Fortunately, my home is my safe zone and so is my family, and sadly that turns into my raised voice, tears or tantrums towards those I love the most.
I yell to stop my kids from yelling to teach them that yelling is wrong.
Allowing all of the negativity, the fear, the pain and the hurt to overwhelm oneself often allows you to lose sight of the love inside. Again, I know that I am not alone, and many folks allow their meltdowns to occur in their safe place with those they feel safe around, the ones we love the most.
We hurt those we feel safe in hurting, but here’s the deal. Maybe some of that energy could be directed towards the individuals and experiences that are the cause of the pain. We all need to be firmer in our boundaries with our employers who too often take more and more and give less and less, and in our other relationships that take more from our bucket than fills it. That’s on us, folks. We need to stand up for ourselves in those spaces, so we don’t feel the need to unload in those spaces of refuge.
How can we love another if we cannot love ourselves first?
And if like me, you tend to have all these tantrums towards a partner, a spouse or your children, then it often snowballs into feeling terrible about yourself. Now your inner dialogue and language towards yourself spins to anger and self-loathing for your behavior, which then tailspins of destructive self-talk which would never be acceptable towards anyone else.
These tantrums that occur internally are detrimental and damaging for not only yourself but for all of those around you. So, the takeaway – be kind to yourself first, forgive yourself for being human, hold space and unconditional love for yourself.
Through you, the world (through me too).
This gives us that practice to remember that the love that binds your family and home together is the same love that binds your own being together—- body, mind and spirit. And when you feel like you have lost that love, there’s always the one tool that can help you find it again: your breath.
Inhale and notice, now exhale and release.
The places where we feel safest are the places we can find ourselves the most lost. So, our practice is to always to return to that unconditional love and kindness: for our God, for ourselves and our family; for our failures, and for the lessons learned on our own crooked paths to glory.
There’s nothing more powerful than a humble person with a warrior spirit who is driven by a bigger purpose.
Humble Warrior: Find a lunge stance with front knee bent, starting with trunk upright. Ensure a long spine and neutral pelvis with feet wide to sides of the mat. Draw hands behind back by either grabbing opposite elbows or clasping palms together. Keep legs firmly connected and stable to the earth as you gently bow your trunk forward between legs, lifting arms to keep your heart open.
Be humble for you are made of the earth. Be noble for you are made of the stars. -Proverb
Pyramid Pose: Find a lunge stance with front knee straight. Ensure a long spine and neutral pelvis with feet wide to sides of the mat. Draw hands behind back by either grabbing opposite elbows or clasping palms together. Keep legs firmly connected and stable to the earth as you gently bow your trunk forward between legs, lifting arms to keep your heart open.
Pyramid (chair version): Option to use the support of the chair to keep heart open, and spine long, strong and lifted.
Revolved Pyramid (chair version): From your chair Pyramid pose, which ever leg is positioned in front, fly the same side arm behind you or up to the sky. Revolving your ribcage open but keeping hips and pelvis neutral.
Do not speak badly of yourself. For the Warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.
Extended Side Angle: Position legs in a wide stance with one knee bent, toes pointing to front of mat. Back leg is straight with foot flat to mat and positioned comfortably at an angle to ensue hips and pelvis are in a neutral position, pelvis open to sides of mat. Start with trunk upright lifting up off pelvis and arms are lifted shoulder height pausing in Warrior II. Exhale lower arm down towards bent knee while other arm lifts to the sky.
Extended Side Angle (chair version): Try this powerful and graceful pose positioned with the support of a chair. Find leverage with arm pressing into thigh to length trunk diagonally over hips. Keep legs firmly connected and stable to the earth while you comfortably position yourself with the support of the chair.
By Dr. Meghan Nelson