I have a complicated relationship. It’s hard to explain exactly how I feel. It started off as a relationship of wonder and excitement. You know that new special feeling with butterflies in the tummy stage…the love potion behind a poignant rom-com movie. Then, it caused me a few problems. I worked through it hand in hand. Relationships take work, after all. Now, I dedicate a lot of valuable time to making the relationship work for me. Some days feel good. Other days it feels like an abusive and toxic relationship. I am at a crossroads. It may be time to end it.

I don’t think Facebook and I are lifelong companions.

About 13 years ago, my lovely wife told me about the Zuckerberg creation for the first time. She was having a blast reconnecting with old friends from high school and college. Those were her words. However, I heard, “I’m reconnecting with old flames that are now wealth management advisors with lots of money and have gorgeous hair. Be ready, Baldy. I have options here.. I never have had access to her social accounts, why would I? I can only assume all communications talk about what a loving husband I am and that she really finds the bald look so much better than those hairy heartthrobs on Yellowstone. I get the weekly time report from my iPhone on Sundays to tell me how much time I spend on the app. I won’t get into the tawdry numbers, but I believe I may have had enough time to write a few episodes for that Kevin Costner Paramount tv show or at least a good Lifetime movie.

This past birthday really drove home the pros and cons of the platform. I heard from friends from all over the globe on the account in lieu of actual visits, phone calls, and birthday cards. Yes. I am 47. And I still love cards, birthday cake, ice cream, and confetti today. Emotionally, I am 12.

With the recent changes to the corporate name of Facebook and a wee bit more uncertain future of the platform long-term, my buddy from college decided to embark on what he called the Facebook project. He would pick out his favorite images and posts over the past decade and create hard bound copies for his family and loved ones. Genius! 

This is going to be a messy break-up. We’ve been through so much together. The witty back and forth with friends of friends, the ups and downs of my blood pressure while viewing political posts, and even worse…Hawkeye fans talking smack about my beloved Huskers. The gall! 

Where will  newfound time be allocated?

I can tell you my first step. I’m going to track down my college buddy, Mike. I’m going to get best practices from him on how to make an off-line paper account of life. I’m going to look through his hard-bound yearbook of memories and get some ideas.

We’re going through this break-up together. I’m also going to get his birthday. I’ll send him a card filled with confetti.

Tony Michaels

Author of the ok-selling book, “Tacos and Beer Atmosphere.”

Morning show host on KSUX 105.7

Can be found on Facebook…for now